I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
