Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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