Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
