Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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