And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
