he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
