there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
