drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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