You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
