I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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