it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
