I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
