he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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