come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
