Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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