Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
