Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
