those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
