Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
