I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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