I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
