They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
