Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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