i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I look better un-naked...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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