I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
