I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
