peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm like, not good at living.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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