Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
did i walk over a car last night?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
