Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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