Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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