I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My balls are so social today.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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