If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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