benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
