If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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