you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
