70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
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I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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