pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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