When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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