Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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