I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
