Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
