Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
