I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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