I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
