Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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