yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
