woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
