I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
