I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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