what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
