ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
