Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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