Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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