Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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