I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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