Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
babies were throwing up all over the place
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
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Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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