At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
