i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's just like the Real World with babies
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
