I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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