Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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