FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
