You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Edward fifth and chaser hands
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
