You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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