im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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